I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
