You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
