she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
