Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
