Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just pee around me
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
