So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
