This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
40s are totally the cure
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
