Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I touched a dick in church today
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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