Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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