I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
