saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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