heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Please don't give away my fajitas
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
