I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I AM VODKA MAN
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
