coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
