there's paper in my vomit.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
