Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
