I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
COCAINE IS GR8
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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