my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
