can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The beer is more important than you right now.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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