Plan B is the new Plan A
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
