That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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