Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
