omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
