I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize