you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
