turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
