throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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