I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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