omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
