I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize