You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
