my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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