I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
someone owes me an orgasm
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
