I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
