Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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