That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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