Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
