Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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