i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
