i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize