it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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