You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
