I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
