so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
