She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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