i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I look better un-naked...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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