Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
