but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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