We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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