why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
