He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
