She went from zero to smokin in five shots
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
