the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
