Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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