I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
