I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize