no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
