there was a trapeze. enough said
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
