Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
