You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
