Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
