Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
