During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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