Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
