I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
