My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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