I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
