are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
