Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
