she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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