I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize