found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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