youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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