coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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