So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
not ubering you a puppy
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
