Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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