After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
