Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
