Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
