I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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