Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize