I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
