You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
