I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
