I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
