why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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