I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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