you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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