so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize